How Does Inner-Conflict Impact Your Life? (2/4)
What is Inner-Conflict?
Inner-Conflict is often the hidden obstacle that keeps us from achieving our desires and goals. It’s the invisible force that makes progress feel like an uphill battle. Despite being a common topic in healing and self-help circles, many struggle to truly understand or recognize when they are in a state of inner conflict.
Inner-Conflict occurs when two or more parts of you are at odds, each pulling you in different directions.
For instance, consider someone who wants to jump off a high rock into a lake. Even if they're excited, they might feel resistance because a part of them is afraid of getting hurt. This friction—between the desire to jump and the fear of injury—is a classic example of inner-conflict.
Inner-Conflict isn't just about having conflicting desires. It's about the internal struggle between parts of ourselves that want different things.
It can manifest both externally, through people, events, and circumstances, and internally, within our thoughts, words, and actions. All forms of resistance mirror the internal conflicts within your thoughts, often at a level that we are not conscious of. This happens when, behind a closed door inside of your mind, you have some thoughts that orient you to go in a certain direction, and some other thoughts that orient you to go in another direction.
Let’s illustrate this by imagining a long canoe with some rowers paddling forward, others pulling back, some throwing their paddles off the boat, and others either filling it with water or trying to keep it dry. How far do you think it will go? Even if it moves, do you expect it to arrive at a desired destination? I think they're lucky if they get to shore.
For example, resistant thoughts like "I will never be as pretty as this friend of mine” may be in resistance to your belief that you deserve to be loved, desired, and chosen by a loving and handsome partner. And because of feeling less deservable you might be a match to less attention and appreciation, reinforcing the belief that there’s a hierarchy of deservability in love, and that you won't have what you want or meet your needs. There’s so many different versions of this that get in the way of us living our best lives, being successful whatever that means for each os us, and of loving each other in ways that we actually feel loved and loving.
The source of this lies in the internal fragmentation of our consciousness. Just like conjoined twins with different desires, these internal fragments can pull us in different directions. The solution is then, to recognize and integrate these fragmented aspects of yourself.
Determinism vs. Free-Will
When I understood Inner-Conflict I felt both relieved for being able to make sense of something that causes me pain and because of that having more hope to no longer fall victim of it, and angry that I we have to deal with this discomfort, until I found out how the existence of inner conflict and the discomfort it causes is inviting us out of determinism and into free-will.
Inner conflict isn’t just a sign of indecision—it's a crucial part of how we experience free will. At its core, inner conflict arises when different parts of you are in opposition, creating tension.
This tension is the force that propels you out of determinism—a life encaged (pre-determined) by the beliefs and expectations you inherited—and into the realm of conscious choice.
In moments of inner conflict, you’re confronted with the friction between staying on a set path and forging a new one. This friction is essential; it’s what compels you to become conscious rather than following an unconscious path.
For instance, being stuck in a well-paying but unfulfilling job creates inner conflict. The safe, predictable choice is to stay, but another part of you longs for meaningful work. This discomfort forces you to weigh your options, challenging you to make a decision that aligns with your core self. Exercising free will is about choosing the right choice for you, through a process of understanding the conflicting needs and desires inside you. Some people would say the best choice is to keep the job, and some other people would say the best choice is to quit, making a choice based on what other people think, their expectations, and even your predetermined beliefs, is deterministic, and it will not resolve your inner-conflict.
In this way, inner conflict is a catalyst for growth, pushing you to examine your beliefs and take control of your life. Rather than a burden, it’s a powerful tool for personal evolution, moving you into the expansive realm of deliberate choice.
The Doom Loop of Inner-Conflict
Every time that you find yourself stuck you’re dealing with Inner-Conflict (resistance). When you're not aware that inner-conflict is the source of your stuckness and that you can resolve it, you might find yourself stuck in a cycle of frustration and inaction. Still wanting to go in a certain direction, spending your money, time, and energy, but not being able to move the needle. It may feel as if you’re pressing on the gas pedal without realizing that your brake is on, leading to a feeling of futility, stagnation, or even setbacks.
Sometimes an unresolved inner-conflict creates a "doom loop" where negative experiences lead to more resistance, causing further negative experiences, likely creating a crippling feeling of anxiety. This cycle can be hard to break, but it's crucial to address it. When inner-conflict is not addressed it can block our ability to move forward and it can lead to a buildup of negative emotions and circumstances.
In Summary
Inner-conflict, or internal resistance, has a profound impact in your life. It arises when different parts of you want conflicting things, creating a struggle that holds you back until you resolve it. Resolving it is an exercise of your free will that empowers you to consciously and intentionally create your life, breaking free from default beliefs.
Inner-conflict is resolved when you find a way forward that works for both parts in conflict, allowing for your growth, healthier relationships, and a more aligned life direction.
The danger of not resolving inner conflicts is that the resulting lack of alignment starts to create problems of its own, like mediocre relationships, physical diseases, lack of vitality, and an overall disconnection with the enthusiasm and desire for life.
